People says that marriage changes everything. I disagree.
Living with someone changes EVERYTHING.
My [now] husband had stayed at my apartment many times and I’d stayed in his dorm room. We had spent weekends together and thought we knew everything about each other, we thought the “cupcake phase” was long behind us. Ha!
We weren’t stupid we just didn’t know any better. So the idea came along the summer before his senior year of college that he would move in with me full time for the summer. This would be our “test” for what we should plan to do after graduation (ex: thinking about me getting a bigger place, buying something together, marriage, etc.) So that’s what we did.
Everything started off well. We established “duties” and “rules”. We stuck to them…briefly. Then came reality…
He didn’t have any room for his clothes because I had SO many…so he left them in folded piles all over the bedroom
I hate doing laundry and would put off doing the laundry.. he ran out of underwear A LOT
He wanted to stay up late playing video games but since my apartment was small it would keep me awake
I can cook REALLY WELL…but I never ended up doing it because he would always beat me home and didn't want to wait to eat
He wanted to eat healthier than me, so we would eat separate meals
I wanted to go out to eat when I was feeling lazy and he didn’t want to spend the money
He wanted to sleep on the right side of the bed and that was always MY side
He wouldn’t hang up his towel after he used it.. it would end up in random spots
I like to leave lots of lights on, not him
He would leave his shoes out by the door, I would put mine away
I always had to change the litter box
We realized that we are both the most disrespectful arguers…ever!
He put the toilet paper folding under and I would do over (which is the RIGHT way)
I always put off unloading the dishwasher and he wanted it unloaded immediately
I always forgot clothes in the dryer and would have to restart the dryer to get the wrinkles out- he still didn’t have any underwear (ha!)
I drank wine…he drank beer – so my fridge got full quick!
He would leave the seat up, I obviously didn’t
I realized that he drinks a LOT of coffee
So over the course of 4 months we royally irritated each other like no one else had ever irritated us before. The silver lining is that we both agree it was the best summer ever.. We found a rhythm that actually did work. We learned what really bugged each other, so we could work to avoid those things. We learned a LOT about arguing.
He gets mad easily and cools down quickly. Leaving him to simmer for a few minutes would always result in a very mature follow up conversation.
I am very slow to anger but do not cool down quickly. I will keep my composure 99% of the time but that doesn’t mean that I’m not pissed. It’s always best to just let me talk things out.
That summer was so helpful to both of us. We learned a lot about our relationship and decided that we could definitely do this on a more permanent basis after graduation. Soon after this is when he started engagement ring shopping. 🙂
