Writing has always been so therapeutic for me.
It’s so interesting because while initially writing this post I thought that was still struggling with a particular issue, but in writing I realized that I’ve actually seen dramatic improvement.
The progress that I make with my depression is about as hard to notice as my hair growing from day-to-day. Unless I step back and analyze the big picture, I’ll never notice progress.
I’ve had on and off issues with finding things that make me happy. When I go through a bad phase nothing sounds enjoyable, I could sit at home all weekend thinking of things to do for enjoyment and never find anything appealing. It’s not like my idea of fun has changed, my mind has just turned blue and thinks nothing sounds fun besides being a hermit.
It seems so basic and intuitive to know what brings you happiness. If you were asked that question you would probably have a list of things to rattle off. Do you actually DO those things though? Or do you get stuck in the rut of your routine and the list becomes mostly aspirational.
My husband and I will sit at home on the weekend and try to think of something that sounds fun – we would always be at a loss. Lately I’ve been rattling off ideas and he is the only one shooting them down. I’ve realized that I’ve worked through my blue haze of unhappiness and he hasn’t quite done so yet; I’ve realized that in the process of writing this post. I find myself wanting to celebrate this small victory but also morn the fact that he hasn’t been able to have this victory yet.
This poses a challenge. How can I enjoy myself when my favorite partner in ALL activities isn’t in the mindset to want to participate? How can I be on the other side of this struggle and yet still be held hostage in its grip? It’s so easy to see from this side that just doing things, even if they don’t sound enjoyable, is the best way to remind yourself what really brings you joy.
