I’m selfishly writing this post as a therapeutic remedy to deal with my mixed emotions about weaning my sweet little girl. Today is my very first day NOT bringing my pump to work! (and not wearing a nursing bra- eeek!)
I don’t know about you but during my pregnancy I rolled my eyes at the comments I’d hear about breastfeeding and pumping challenges. I was so naive to the truth behind this responsibility and privilege. I didn’t understand why so many women quit early on or weren’t able to keep up their supply great enough to exclusively breastfeed. I definitely didn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t take advantage of pumping since that allows mom to share some responsibility and others can help with feeding. I read a lot, I took classes at the hospital and I have multiple friends with young children but I still didn’t understand until it was a part of MY life.
I have truly been blessed in that my daughter did not have many problems latching and I was able to breastfeed her from day one. We certainly had our challenges in those first days but it wasn’t anything that compromised breastfeeding. It was hard to position her well in the hospital bed but once we arrived home and sat in our recliner with a boppy pillow, things were much easier.
I was so nervous that I would have supply issues, so I did everything in my power to “fuel” the milk: I drank a TON of water, I always kept small snacks close by and I made these delicious lactation cookies. I was also regimented about nursing every 2 hours during the day and every 3 at night (or upon “request”.)
Once my milk had been in for a few weeks it became clear that I had an oversupply. So I started pumping upon waking and before bed to develop a freezer supply for when I headed back to work.
Sidenote: I’m pleased to report that I now have an entire deep freezer dedicated to breast milk and at max capacity
It only took a couple of pumping sessions for me to realize how big of a pain in the ass pumping would be. It takes time to put all of the parts together and get your hands-free bra on before you even begin. The actual process is uncomfortable until you get used to it and it definitely takes some practice before you have optimized your settings. Once you’re done, you now have a ton of dishes to do and depending on how many sessions you do per day – multiply those dishes! We’ve never had a dish drying mat in our house until postpartum and now we have 2 PLUS a rack for my pump parts. There are just SO MANY DISHES!
On the other hand, I fell in love with nursing!
Breastfeeding might be challenging at times but it comes with so much bonding, endorphins and a sense of purpose.
There are different stages along the journey:
Stage 1: Your sweet nugget is new and you’re trying to figure things out together. Make sure you have her re-latch if it isn’t feeling right because once you start bad habits they’re hard to break and you will develop a lot of irritation. During this time you’ll need 2 hands: 1 to hold your breast steady and 1 to support baby’s head. You can’t multitask yet but you can easily watch TV and get comfortable. Sessions are very long at this point – sometimes an hour in length. Baby will likely be asleep during most sessions (the melatonin that is released to mom and baby is so overpowering at this stage and it makes it hard for everyone to stay awake)
Stage 2: After about a month (or when your baby’s neck strength increases) you’ll no longer need to hold baby’s head steady but you still need to hold your breast to keep a proper latch. You can sometimes multitask and play on your phone or eat while you nurse at this point but you may need to frequently readjust baby so don’t get too distracted.
Stage 3: You can definitely multitask at this point but your baby will be easily distracted so you won’t be able to do much unless they are asleep. You can’t watch TV anymore or your baby will never actually nurse. You only need to hold your breast at the beginning of each session to get baby started at this point but otherwise you can be hands-free and they will nurse pretty independently. You also likely can’t use the football hold these days because your baby will be too long. Try the cradle or cross-cradle. This will likely be the longest stage in nursing.
Stage 4: Your almost-toddler is very independent and won’t be able to sit still for very long but luckily they are very efficient at nursing and only need about 10 minutes of your time. You can’t have any distractions around. Period. They may even try to experiment with sitting while nursing at this point.
Again, I truly do love breastfeeding and would encourage any new mom to try it and experience it first hand. It is a lot of work but there’s never been a day that I’ve regretted it.
In terms of pumping, I have a whole different article about returning to work and pumping here which I definitely recommend that you read!
Although there are numerous frustrations that come along with pumping at work (or in general) there is certainly something to be said about the sense of accomplishment that you feel while doing it. It’s a good reminder every day of why you are at work – to provide for your family! Even though 99% of the time I was answering emails, reviewing projects or on a conference call while pumping; it was still a nice momentary pause to think about my sweet baby and realign my mind to the right priorities. Among all of the stress and crazy that sometimes comes with work, it can be unbelievable what just a minute or two of purposeful reflection can do for your attitude and well-being.
Now fast forward to today. 10 months after returning to work and it’s the first time that I have come to work WITHOUT a pump in tow! I literally haven’t carried a purse in nearly 13 months you guys! It just never made sense to carry another bag on top of my giant pump bag, so I would just carry a wristlet for my phone keys and credit card. I was really looking forward to carrying a purse this morning and I was in too much of a rush to pull it all together in time- but someday soon I’ll look AND feel like a “normal” person again. As much as I love the idea of this, there is also something really sad about it all. I’m very nostalgic if you can’t tell. Haha.
So if you are rolling your eyes at the stories told by your nursing or pumping friends out there – take a minute and acknowledge that you may just have to experience it to fully understand. The whole experience from day 1 to 377 (where I am) is a wild ride and it drags your hormones and emotions up and down too.
Empathy is appreciated and all of us moms will try to remember what it was like when we thought we knew it all and we won’t judge you when you join our crazy club someday!
