As children, we are often paralyzed with fear of the dark. There’s something suspicious about it and we can’t help but fear that unknown that’s inside. This fear is irrational and eventually most of us grow and realize that there’s nothing different about what’s in the dark than what’s in the light.
As a new mom, our fear of the dark is resurrected and every night is a battle of mind over matter and a desperate attempt be a good mom in the face of an assault on our emotions and will. In retrospect the first month of motherhood is really simple: eat, sleep, poop, repeat. I know I’m over simplifying but in comparison to months 2-4 this is definitely more straight forward. If you’re breastfeeding then you can sit in your recliner and watch tv all day long while your baby eats and then falls asleep on your breast. Yes, the newness of everything will be weighing on you but during the day it can seem like you have your shit together.
Then comes the evening…
Around 5pm you will start to get butterflies in your stomach that will slowing develop into full on anxiety-ridden hornets! You can’t always put your finger on it but you know that you’re entering into the scary, unknown territory of nighttime with a newborn. At this age no matter how regimented you are, how many books you’ve read, how many essential oils or swaddles you buy; you can’t control what happens next.
Everyone likes to feel in control (more so in some of us type A personalities) and this period of nighttime mystery is HELL! I wouldn’t even consider it irrational anxiety because we know that it’s going to be miserable.
You know that your baby isn’t going to sleep all night and you will have to wake up anywhere between 4 and 20 times during the night. Or maybe you won’t have to wake up because you’ll never get to sleep at all.
You know that you are going to feel like you’re on the last leg of a marathon and fight with everything that you have to keep your eyes open.
You know that you’re going to feel horrified when you are nursing your baby and suddenly realize that you just dozed off for a minute and could have DROPPED HER!
You know that you will feel like jumping up and down when you successfully set your child back in her crib without waking her BUT then you’ll suddenly feel your world crumble when you trip on a dirty nursing bra in the dark and the loud noise wakes her back up!
You know that even if your spouse offers to help, there’s nothing that he can do because your baby needs YOU and no one else will suffice.
You know that even when you’re doing your best, your spouse is bound to question your methods while your baby interrupts their sleep.“Maybe you should try something else” or “clearly whatever you’re doing isn’t working” they’ll say..Well maybe your baby is hungry and tired and gassy all at once and there’s no soothing method that can “fix” them in that moment. [insert REALLY bitchy mom moment – watch out dad…]
You know that the second your baby falls asleep they will poop and you’ll have to wake them up and change them
You know that no matter how bad you want to stay up and be a normal adult you NEED to go to bed when your baby does if you will have any chance of getting some sleep
The possibilities are endless in terms of what can and will go wrong. As new moms we know this and that’s why we are visited by those angry hornets in our bellies as the nights draws closer.As someone with anxiety issues that span beyond this newborn nightmare, I can tell you that there are healthy ways to manage those feelings and keep your spirits high (or at least average!)
Tips:
Focus on the present (easier said than done, I know). When 5pm hits, try not to get sucked into thinking about what’s going to happen 4 hours from then – revel in the moment. Look at your precious child’s face and remember the miracle that they are. Although your nighttime fears are rational, dwelling on them isn’t going to change anything.
Help yourself feel in control by putting good sleep habits into place early. Although your baby simply can’t sleep through the night early on because of the size of their stomach, you can still start a great routine. Check out some great tips here.
Drink some ginger tea. I know that this seems simple but there’s something calming about a warm drink and ginger is excellent for settling the stomach. This one is my favorite:
Talk about it! Tell your spouse, friends, parents, etc about your fears and anxiety. It’s always helpful to hear yourself talk out loud. Your support system can help you to realize that motherhood is hard for everyone and you are doing amazing!
Think about the “club” you’re now apart of. There’s an ridiculous number of moms out there that are going through the same struggles as you RIGHT NOW. You are now apart of this elite group of women who somehow manage to put their children first and muscle through the rough patches. Wear your “mom badge” proud. No one said it would be easy but it will certainly be worth it.
Know that this phase doesn’t last forever. In the grand scheme of things, this phase is small and you will look back with pride about how much of a bad ass you were! In the moment it can feel like you’re being tortured but you are strong. You are a mom!
